Cameron’s First Eton Report Card


I was educated at an East London Grammar School and the nearest I got to Eton was  a school trip to Windsor. Nevertheless, I have observed David Cameron closely for some time and I can imagine his first school report. Here goes:

General. David has made a good start. He is an intelligent and energetic boy who has adapted well to a new school. We think he has a bright future. Academicly David has delivered a good all-round performance. He learns quickly and can master a complex subject. He is eager to embrace new ideas, learns quickly and is fluent in his expressing his own understanding of them. This fluency, and a certain natural ability,  can lead David astray. He is over-confident, sometimes slip-shod and often lacks any deep understanding of the issues he wishes to discuss. He must learn to be more patient, and dare I say it, humble and to check all his work carefully before submitting it. Games. David is a good ball player and we hope he will continue to stay fir and enjoy further participation. Behaviour. We have expressed concern about David’s behaviour. He is a noisy boy which some find annoying. David is highly competitive but this can never be an excuse for a bullying attitude. It is reported that he is too quick to assume that rivals are enemies and apt to take his revenge on them by seeking to discredit them in advance of any real competition. We take these behaviour traits seriously. Unless modified they are likely to impede his progress. We shall be contacting you further about this so that we can work together to help David.

Academic  A-; Effort B+; Behaviour C-.

Headmaster.

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