Sometimes I wish myself to be ubiquitous.You know what I mean: to possess powers to look in and over, to find out what has really been going on in the corridors of power. For example, who were the arms dealers who accompanied David Cameron on his recent trip to the Middle East and what did they sell and to which authoritan regime. In this age of transparency you would think it easy enough. It isn’t and if you doubt me try it yourself. To mix my metaphor, so to speak, sell bullets to the wrong dictator and they can come back to bite you. This task is so difficult that I have been obliged to invent my own un-Parliamentary questiosns and answers.
Q. What arms deals were negotiated with what regimes on the Prime Minister’s recent trip’. A. Following parliamentary proceedure I cannot answer this. I would remind the questioner that there has been no change in the guidelines that rightly govern these transations. Q. Can the Government confirm that over the past five years, no arms have been sold to Libya. A. If a company wishes to sell arms to any particular country, such as Libya, it must apply for an export licence in the normal way. As I say the rul;es have not changed. Q. Will the Prime Minister confirm which companies on his recent trip will be applying for export licenses and in respect of what arms and to which regimes? A. Britain is one of the world’s most successful arms exporters and I shall do nothing to undermine its efforts to sell arms to a diverse range of countries. In the nature of things a power we regard as responsible at one moment of time may become irresonsible the next. We cannot stand over them when they pull the triggers, can we? Look chaps, some of you types that have attended schools in Wolverhampton and Walsall understnd the facts of life that are learnt in the playgrounds. If you think it was easier for types like me on the playing fields of Eton you are deluded. It is tough and you do not survive without a bruise or two. Basically the rules of the game are simple. You do not take on a bully at the height of his powers. You wait until his position has weakened and when he has lost some of his friends. Then you pounce on him when he least expects it yelling that you are the boss now. If need be get a few friends to help you. Give him a few kicks. Make sure that all the other kids know that you are the champion now. That’s what we are doing with Libya. Never mind the past, ignore the previous arms deals and the British banks stuffed full with his illegal funds. Force majeure and all that and you are the champion now. The others soon fall into line. And that is our policy now. Move over you swine, you might say. We are the champion now. And the rest of you buying arms from us today. Don’t think that we won’t turn on you in the future if we have too. Oh yes, we are not cissies. Look at my muscles. Well come to think of it, perhaps not.